Cautious...

Why is it so hard to move? Am I making it more complicated than it should be?

Not to start comparing but I hear people saying how they moved to these expensive places without money and plan but an idea. Is it still possible to do things like that? I mean we live in a different era where again things are more expensive, more accessible and less accessible at the same time.

I do have an idea but maybe I just do not have that mindset of doing whatever it takes to make it work.

Maybe I am too cautious?

Have too many standards?

What is it that puts me in this mindset where I hate where I am but I rather be here than struggling elsewhere.

Maybe that is it! I am afraid to struggle, I am afraid to need help, afraid to rely on others, afraid to rely on myself. It has been a trend that others always let me down and I always procrastinate.

I am better now than I was before; I still procrastinate but I get it done sooner than before. I try to hold myself accountable via due dates and it has helped but because I am comfortable, I feel no sense of urgency. This is a problem! I think I went from speaking in terms of moving to a different city to moving to a different level of personal growth.

I hate that I do not have anyone to rely on but is that necessary? I am sure that there is a saying about how one needs a team, needs support but if someone does not have it, they still work so why shouldn’t I? Why shouldn’t I have more confidence in myself to grow and achieve goals? I should! There should not be any excuses!

That still leaves the question of how do I move? Though my deadline is in June, I still have the same unsuccessful plan as I did last year. I apply for many jobs with my fingers crossed that I land one then I find housing and I’ll be good but this did not work last year. What should I do different? This time, I know exactly where I want to move with people there that I know and I have started searching for employment early. However, I am still not working as hard as I could be. Why? Well, my lease is does not end until June, I have a cruise planned in July, moving is expensive, I have never even been to Dallas, and to be honest I am comfortable. At what point do I start working hard? If I am offered a job, when am I available to move, to start? Do I end my lease early? So many questions that I must figure out, that I must figure out alone as this is my life and I have to live it for me.

Why is adulthood filled with so many decisions and so much responsibility? I did not ask for this!